While happiness is
defined by the individual, I’ve always felt it foolish to declare that nothing
can be learned from observing the happiness of others.
In our day-to-day
lives it is easy to miss the forest for the trees and look over some of the
smaller, simpler things that can disproportionally affect our happiness levels.
Luckily, we can go off more than just our intuition; there are lots of studies
that aim for finding the right behavior that leads to a happier life.
1.
Be Busy, But Not Rushed
Research
shows that being “rushed” puts you on the fast track to being miserable. On the
other hand, many studies
suggest that having nothing to do can also take its toll, bad news for those
who subscribe to the Office Space dream
of doing nothing.
The porridge is just
right when you’re living a productive life at a comfortable pace. Meaning: you
should be expanding your comfort zone often, but not so much that you feel
overwhelmed. Easier said than done, but certainly an ideal to strive towards.
Feeling like you’re
doing busywork is often the result of saying “Yes” to things you are not
absolutely excited about. Be sure to say “No” to things that don’t make you
say, “Hell yeah!” We all have
obligations, but a comfortable pace can only be found by a person willing to
say no to most things, and who’s able to say “Yes” to the right things.
You should be
expanding your comfort zone often, but not so much that you feel overwhelmed.
2.
Have 5 Close Relationships
Having a few close
relationships keeps people happier
when they’re young, and has even been shown to help us live
longer, with a higher quality of life. True friends really are worth their
weight in gold. But why five relationships? This seemed to be an
acceptable average from a variety of studies.
National surveys
find that when someone claims to have 5 or more friends with whom they can
discuss important problems, they are 60 percent more likely to say that they
are ‘very happy’.
The number isn’t the
important aspect here, it is the effort
you put into your relationships that matters. Studies
show that even the best relationships dissolve over time; a closeness with
someone is something you need to continually earn, never treat it as a given.
Every time you connect with those close to you, you further strengthen those
bonds and give yourself a little boost of happiness at the same time. The data
show that checking in around every two
weeks is the sweet spot for very close friends.
3.
Don’t Tie Your Happiness to External Events
Humility is not
thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less. —C.S. Lewis
Self-esteem is a
tricky beast. It’s certainly good for confidence,
but a variety of research
suggests that self-esteem that is bound to external success can be quite
fickle. For example, certain students who tied their self-esteem to their
grades experienced small boosts when they received a grad school acceptance
letter, but harsh drops in self-esteem when they were rejected.
Tying your happiness
to external events can also lead to behavior which avoids failure as a
defensive measure. Think of all the times you tell yourself, “It doesn’t matter
that I failed, because I wasn’t even trying.” The key may be, as C.S.
Lewis suggests, to instead think of yourself less, thus avoiding the trap of
tying your self-worth to external signals.
4.
Exercise
Yup, no verbose
headline here, because there is no getting around it: no matter how much you
hate exercise, it will make you feel better if you stick
with it. Body
image improves when you exercise (even if results don’t right
away). And eventually, you should start seeing that “exercise
high” once you’re able to pass the initial hump: The release of
endorphins has an addictive effect, and more exercise is needed to achieve the
same level of euphoria over time.
So make it one of
your regular habits. It
does not matter which activity you choose, there’s bound to be at least one
physical activity you can stomach.
5.
Embrace Discomfort for Mastery
Happy people
generally have something known as a “signature
strength” — At least one thing they’ve become proficient at, even if the
learning process made them uncomfortable.
Research
has suggested that mastering a skill may be just as stressful as you might
think. Researchers found that although the process of becoming proficient at
something took its toll on people in the form of stress, participants reported
that these same activities made them feel happy and satisfied when they looked
back on their day as a whole.
As the cartoon Adventure Time famously said, “Suckin’
at something is the first step to being sorta good at something,” and it’s
true, struggle is the evidence of progress. The rewards of becoming great at
something far outweigh the short-term discomfort that is caused earning your
stripes.
Struggle is the
evidence of progress.
6.
Spend More Money on Experiences
Truly happy people
are very mindful of spending money on physical items, opting instead to spend
much of their money on experiences. “Experiential purchases” tend to make
us happier, at least according to the research. In fact, a
variety of research
shows that most people are far happier when buying experiences vs. buying
material goods.
Here are some
reasons why this might be, according to the
literature.
1:-Experiences
improve over time. Aging like a
fine wine, great experiences trump physical items, which often wear off
quickly (“Ugh, my phone is so old!”). Experiences can be relived for
years.
2:-People revisit experiences more often. Research shows
that experiences are recalled more often than material purchases. You are
more likely to remember your first hiking trip over your first pair
of hiking boots (although you do need to
make that purchase, or you’ll have some sore feet!)
3:- Experiences are more unique. Most
people try to deny, but we humans are constantly comparing ourselves to
one another. Comparisons can often make us unhappy, but experiences are
often immune to this as they are unique to us. Nobody in the world will
have the exact experience you had with your
wife on that trip to Italy
4:-We adapt slowly to experiences. Consumer research shows
that experiences take longer to “get used to.” Have you ever felt really
energized, refreshed, or just different after coming back from a great
show/dinner/vacation? It is harder to replicate that feeling with material
purchases.
5:-Experiences are social. Human beings are social
animals. Did you know that true solitary confinement is often
classified as “cruel and unusual” punishment due to the detrimental
effects it can have on the mind? Experiences get us out of our
comfort zone, out of our house, and perhaps involved in those close
relationships we need to be happy.
7.
Don’t Ignore Your Itches
This one is more
anecdotal than scientific, but perhaps most important.
When the Guardian
asked a hospice nurse for the Top
5 Regrets of the Dying, one of the most common answers was that people
regretted not being true to their dreams:
